Sexy Marriage

 

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Recent Episodes

Yes, But … #664

Yes, But … #664

This week we discuss the impact of trauma on reactions and responses in marriage.

An email from a listener points out she felt that trauma was not adequately addressed last week.

We explore more how both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses, and that there is no hierarchy of pain. We also discuss the importance of regaining a sense of safety in the relationship and the need for both partners to work on themselves. 

Takeaways

Both partners are responsible for their reactions and responses in marriage.
There is no hierarchy of pain in life and relationship.
Regaining a sense of safety in the relationship is important, but it is not solely the responsibility of a partner.
Recognizing and changing patterns is essential for personal growth and a healthier marriage.

On the Xtended Version …

We continue to explore the idea of sexual polarity and look at aspects of masculine and feminine energies.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Babbel: Get 50% off at https://babbel.com/SMR

More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663

More Destructive: His Porn Or Her Reaction? #663

Today let’s explore the impact of reactions and perceptions in relationships, specifically in the context of discovering pornography usage.

There are lots of complexities with the aspects of honesty, trustworthiness, fear, and shame. Like how others perceive us, the importance of acknowledging others, the reactions to the discovery of pornography usage, motivations for lying, managing fear and shame, breaking the cycle of fear and reaction, recognizing the scripts we carry forward, and seeking professional help or self-reflection. To name a few.

Listen to hear us explore them all.

Takeaways

Reactions and perceptions play a significant role in relationships.
Honesty and trustworthiness are crucial in addressing the discovery of pornography usage.
Fear and shame can fuel destructive reactions.
Breaking the cycle of fear and reaction requires self-reflection and seeking professional help.
On the Xtended Version …

Sexual polarity plays a large role in the energy found between husband and wife – particularly the sexual energy.

What is it? How do I enhance it? Listen to find out.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

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Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662

Get Past Your Past | Jason VanRuler #662

In this conversation, I’m joined by Jason Van Ruler as we discuss the importance of addressing past wounds and traumas in order to move forward in life and relationships.

We talk about the concept of scripts and how our past experiences shape the narratives we tell ourselves. 

Learn more about Jason here – https://www.jasonvr.com/

Takeaways

Addressing past wounds and traumas is essential for personal growth and healthy relationships.
Scripts, formed by past experiences, shape the way we perceive ourselves and others.
On the Xtended Version …

Jason and I dive into the work of Dr. Schnarch and his theory of traumatic mind mapping, which examines the deeper layers of trauma and the motivations behind it.

The conversation emphasizes the need to confront the dark side of ourselves and rewrite our narratives to chart a new course.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

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Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

In today’s episode of Sexy Marriage Radio,  we discuss the truth about pressures in marriage and sex. We explore the dynamics of power distribution in sexual relationships and the responsibility each partner has for their own pleasure.

We also dive into the impact of how we relate to our sexuality and the importance of facing responsibility and making conscious choices.

The overall goal? Have open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship and to take ownership of your own pleasure.

Takeaways

There are natural dynamics and pressure in every marriage.
How you relate to your sexuality and sex life is important.
It all boils down to choice – are they consciously and freely made?
On the Xtended Version …

There are three main components that help contribute to the female orgasm.

What are they? Listen to find out.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

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The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660

The Truth About Pressures In Sex #660

In today’s episode, we continue the discussion on the topic of mercy sex and the pressures and obligations that can arise in marriage.

Let’s explore the impact of religious beliefs and family of origin on sexuality, and the importance of peeling away layers and developing new ones to create a more fulfilling sex life.

So what are the practical steps for dealing with pressure and obligation, shifting responsibility, and finding your voice?

Takeaways

Pressure and obligation can arise in marriage, and it’s important to navigate these challenges together.
Religious beliefs and family of origin can have a significant impact on sexuality and the dynamics of a marriage.
Taking the time to evaluate your desires and needs is crucial for personal growth and a fulfilling sex life.
Enhancing sexuality and growing together as a couple requires open communication, understanding, and a willingness to explore and adapt.
On the Xtended Version …

What are the components that help create optimal sexual experiences?

We talk through some research that found six factors and work through them and how they overlap.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Babbel: Get 55% off at https://babbel.com/SMR

AG1: Take ownership of your health this year with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://drinkAG1.com/sexymarriageradio

Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659

Busyness and Unhealed Trauma | John Eldredge #659

In this conversation, John Eldredge joins me as we discuss the impact of busyness and unhealed trauma on relationships.

John brings up the concept of inner ages and how unresolved childhood trauma can surface in adult relationships. It is important to create space for our younger selves and having honest conversations about the needs and fears that arise.

We also discuss the fragility of the world and how it can affect individuals and relationships. 
Learn more from John here – https://wildatheart.org/

Takeaways

Busyness can take a toll on relationships, leading to a lack of leisure time and personal well-being.
Unhealed childhood trauma can resurface in adult relationships, causing emotional challenges and conflicts.
Tuning into inner ages and understanding the needs of younger selves can help navigate relationship dynamics.
Honesty and open communication about fears and needs can foster intimacy and understanding in relationships.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy

Mercy Sex In Marriage #658

Mercy Sex In Marriage #658

In this episode, we discuss the concept of mercy sex in a marriage. What are the  characteristics of mercy sex and the impact it has on both the lower desire and higher desire spouses?

We also discuss the pressure to have sex and how it affects the dynamics of a relationship. As well as a discussion on how to move from mercy sex to freely chosen sex, where both spouses are actively participating and enjoying the experience.

Takeaways

Mercy sex is characterized by a lack of initiation, a distaste for sex, a desire to get it over with quickly, and a lack of presence and connection during the act.
The lower desire spouse may feel pressure and guilt when it comes to sex, while the higher desire spouse may accept mercy sex as a way to ease their own insecurities.
Both spouses need to confront their own issues and communicate openly about their desires and boundaries in order to move from mercy sex to freely chosen sex.
Facing the pressure to have sex in a marriage is a normal part of committed relationships, and both partners need to accept and navigate this pressure in a healthy way.

On the Xtended Version …

Join us in a thought experiment. We all strive for great sex in marriage, or at least many people do. But could great sex actually be a hinderance to good sex in marriage?

Listen to hear us explore this idea.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy

The Search For Intimacy #657

The Search For Intimacy #657

In this episode, we address some of the  feedback from last week’s episode about a husband losing attraction to his wife. We explore the impact of such revelations on men and women – is there a difference in how it impacts each gender – and we explore the concept of facing dilemmas and making choices in relationships.

The key here is the importance of self-validation and differentiation in personal growth. That is the best way to achieve relational growth as well.

Takeaways

Accept and love family members despite their flaws.
Revelations about lost attraction can be devastating, but they provide an opportunity for change.
Facing dilemmas in relationships requires courage and self-reflection.
Self-validation and differentiation are essential for personal growth.
On the Xtended Version …

At the beginning of each new year, we use a process of My 3 Words to help frame our focus in the coming year.

Join us as Pam and I go through our words for 2024. And share yours on the https://my.smr.fm platform.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

AG1: Take ownership of your health this year with AG1. Try AG1 and get a FREE 1-year supply of Vitamin D3K2 AND 5 free AG1 Travel Packs with your first purchase exclusively at https://drinkAG1.com/sexymarriageradio.

Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy

My Husband Doesn’t Desire Me #656

My Husband Doesn’t Desire Me #656

In today’s episode, we dive into a listener’s question about a lack of desire in her marriage. After working through the Our Intimate Choices worksheet, the husband shared he has no desire or attraction towards his wife.

What does she do now?

It’s important she faces the truth of the system and begins recognizing the underlying dynamics. In this process it is imperative she recognizes the importance of separating self-worth from a spouse’s opinion and works to make choices that align with her personal values.

Takeaways

Facing the truth and recognizing the underlying issues in a marriage is essential for personal growth and relationship development.

Separating self-worth from a spouse’s opinion is crucial for maintaining a healthy sense of self.

Choosing to stay in a marriage while not feeling stuck requires personal growth and self-reflection.

Marriage is a people-growing machine that demands constant self-confrontation and growth.
On the Xtended Version …

Questions from a recent Q&A session regarding what do you do when attraction has disappeared or never really existed in the first place?

There is a natural ebb and flow of attraction and desire in marriage, but facing this dynamic requires a great deal of self work. 

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Academy: Join the Academy and go deeper. https://smr.fm/academy

About your hosts

Corey and Pam Allan

He’s a PhD level marriage and family therapist and she’s a woman who speaks her mind. Together they’re the incredibly authentic, honest, smart, helpful, shockingly open, and seriously fun couple you want to grab a cup of coffee and hang with. They share the ups and downs of marriage along with their listeners,  while giving you conversation starters and actions you can take to ramp up your relationship.

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