Top iTunes Marriage Podcast

13+ Million Downloads

hosted by Dr. Corey Allan

Who’s Responsible For Whose Orgasm? #661

Come join the conversations in the SMRNation Community at my.smr.fm

The 2024 Passionately Married Getaway is June 13-15, 2024. Register now.

On the Regular Version …

In today’s episode of Sexy Marriage Radio,  we discuss the truth about pressures in marriage and sex. We explore the dynamics of power distribution in sexual relationships and the responsibility each partner has for their own pleasure.
 
We also dive into the impact of how we relate to our sexuality and the importance of facing responsibility and making conscious choices.
 
The overall goal? Have open and honest conversations about your sexual relationship and to take ownership of your own pleasure.
 

Takeaways

  • There are natural dynamics and pressure in every marriage.
  • How you relate to your sexuality and sex life is important.
  • It all boils down to choice – are they consciously and freely made?

On the Xtended Version …

There are three main components that help contribute to the female orgasm.

What are they? Listen to find out.

Enjoy the show!

Sponsors …

Paired App: Connect with your spouse every day using Paired. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/SMR

Miracle Made Sheets: Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made Sheets! Click the link to claim your FREE 3 PIECE TOWEL SET and SAVE over 40% OFF https://trymiracle.com/passion

 

Like this show? Please leave us a review here — even one sentence helps someone else in their relationships!  

Got a question?


Call/Text us at  214-702-9565

or email us at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com

Corey Allan: Welcome to the show. I'm Dr. Corey Allan, you were about to say something.

Pam Allan: Every time you say Welcom, it feels like you're welcoming me to the show.

Corey Allan: I welcome you every single week to the show, Pam, this is my wife Pam, joining me as Every week at Sexy Marriage Radio. We're having honest, straightforward conversations that want to help propel your life into deeper and more meaningful connections. And the way we want to do that is help frame conversations and actions that you can take in your life and in the situations that are presented in your world. Because we have a fundamental belief here at Sexy Marriage Radio that when I change how I view what's going on, I can change what I do regarding what's going on. Because I know there's a lot of people that have found Sexy Marriage Radio over the 12 years we've been doing this show that maybe they're like us in some regards in the sense that there's problems that happen in marriage and you're like, wow, how can I just get Pam to change so that my problem in my marriage goes

Pam Allan: Away? That's what I wanted of you. What get you to change? Well,

Corey Allan: It's a human thing, but one of the things we want to try to help get across is changing your spouse is an incredibly difficult, if not impossible thing to do,

Pam Allan: And that may not be what needed to happen.

Corey Allan: Absolutely. So we want to help you see what's going on and help you be better to just create something better for your life and your marriage and all of your relationships. So if you're new to the show and you want a handy way to tell your friends about Sexy Marriage Radio, jump on the starter packs that we have, which is episodes that are organized by topic or popularity. And these are easy ways for you can get a taste of everything that we do here on the show. Go to smr.fm/starter and also if you've got some feedback, we want to hear from you. 7 0 2 9 5 6 5 is our voicemail line, and that's where we get comments, questions, thoughts that round out the conversations we have here because Sexy Mary Radio was a conversation. It's basically a 12 year long conversation that we've had in some regards so far. And so we want to hear from you. So let us know what's on your mind or how topics we can cover better or explore because we haven't yet by calling us or feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. And also on that note with the email feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. This is as the day this is airing, which is the last day of January in 2024, we're doing a giveaway for the Sexy Marriage Radio giveaway

Pam Allan: Getaway.

Corey Allan: Ah,

Pam Allan: Thank you for the giveaway. For the getaway.

Corey Allan: Giveaway for the getaway, exactly. So I said it so cleanly that obviously not. But what we want you to do, if you want a chance to win a registration being covered for the getaway this year, which is June 20, man, June 30,

Pam Allan: 13th through the 16th,

Corey Allan: If you want a chance to win the registration being covered for the getaway this year, which is June 13th through the 15th in 2024 here in the Dallas-Fort Worth area, you can learn more at SMR fm slash getaway. But if you will go to Apple Podcasts, leave a review on their platform about the show, and then take a screenshot or send us your username at feedback@sexymarriageradio.com. That enters you in the chance to win. And if you don't win, if you're not the lucky winner for this round, but the fact that you entered in, if you register to join us at the getaway in June will give you $75 off. And you're going to want to go ahead and register right away because numbers are coming in. I mean, where people are now looking at the summer plans. I know we just sat down and looked at our summer plans and started booking weekends and weeks that we're going to be traveling.
So SMR fm slash getaway is where you can reserve your spot so you make sure you're one of the people that'll be there. We keep the numbers small, relatively speaking for conferences because we like the intimate connection that we get to have with all the couples that come and so enter, and I hope you win and then we hope to see you in June. And on that note, as a way to stay connected, one of the things we love about the getaway is it's a deep dive into connection in your marriage, but what do you do about the times to try to connect individually throughout just the normal day to day

Pam Allan: Through the routine?

Corey Allan: And I love the fact that we get a chance to have partnerships at times, and we're partnering with the Paired app, which is a app that's been around a while actually. I remember coming across it when I was first into the blogosphere and all that was starting podcasting and apps were just kind of starting. And I'll admit behind closed doors here, which remove the curtain. Pam reached out to me just the other night and saying, dude, I've started a couple of games. Come on man. Get caught up on the connection because the app is a great way to just continuing in conversation and explore new aspects of your relationship

Pam Allan: Together. Oh, it's really fun. Little games on there, little prompters that it sends prompts to your spouse, note to self, you have to have the notifications turned on.

Corey Allan: Pro Tip, I did not

Pam Allan: Tip. Yes,

Corey Allan: I had turned mine off.

Pam Allan: I'm loving it. I love some the prompt questions and fun little games that you have going on within it. I think it's super fun.

Corey Allan: And the thing that's so great to me, Pam, about the way they've got this designed, and obviously there's a whole lot more than just this aspect we're talking about, but what they have designed is this is a way to continue and have conversations on a regular basis with your spouse because it's only the two of us on this app in regards to the way we have it paired

Pam Allan: Just directly between the two of us.

Corey Allan: But when I answer a question, I don't see your response until you answer or vice versa,
Which is fun because then it's not this whole, oh, I got a prompt that Pam answered something and I could see, oh, what'd she write? And then I can adjust accordingly or soften something. So it's a great way to really start to have a chance to be vulnerable with each other and then that's going to lead to more conversations or more exploring or more fun. And we suggest you try this out because when you're talking about relationships and conversations, this is one of those things that's just important to have ways to inject some energy, some hilarity, some thought provoking ideas, creativity and some exploration and creativity. So if you're just a few dates in or you've been together for a long time, try lightning the mood and have fun with your spouse by using paired head to paired.com/smr and get a seven day free trial and 25% off if you sign up for a subscription. That's paired, PAIR ed.com/smr to sign up today. Connect with your partner every day using paired and a happier relationship starts here. Well, coming up today on the regular version of the show is a continuation of conversation from a prompt you had in last week's episode about the truth about the pressures that happened in marriage and in sex. And you just made an off-handed comment. I don't even know if you remembered from our conversations before we started recording. I said, Hey, I want to build off that. You're like, I said that.

Pam Allan: Yeah, what did I

Corey Allan: Say? But it was the idea of who's responsible for whose orgasm and erotic energy and passion when it comes to marriage and sex. And so we're going to build off of that and explore who is responsible for who

Pam Allan: In that. Well, that'll be fun

Corey Allan: In that regard. And then on the extended content, which is deeper, longer, and there are no ads, you can subscribe at smr fm slash academy. We're going to look at the three components. I came when I was walking across the web looking for some just ideas the other day. I came across what are the three essential components that create and are aspects of the female orgasm. And so if you want to know you're going to want to be a member of the extended content

Pam Allan: Today, I'm pretty sure I would not be able to answer what that was. And that's a little odd, but

Corey Allan: You'd be able to answer 'em,

Pam Allan: But

Corey Allan: Maybe have not thought of 'em this way. Gotcha. But what way is that? You'll have to find out all that's coming up right after this. I dunno about you, Pam, but when it comes to the sheets that we choose for our bed, there's two factors I look at. One is, are they comfortable in smooth feeling? And then the other is how well can you slide around inside them? It's just me. Did you know that valid? One of the things that really does matter too, I think from our 30 years together is how's the temperature when it comes to the bedsheets and the bed and the room and everything? Because temperature matters.

Pam Allan: It's at different phases throughout the night when you climb in and when you're rolling over in the night.

Corey Allan: Well, our sponsor today for the day show Miracle Maids Bedsheets, which is inspired by nasa, they use silver infuse fabrics and makes temperature regulating bedding so that you can sleep at the perfect temperature all night long,

Pam Allan: Which I can testify to with with what we slept

Corey Allan: In. Absolutely, it's true. And because of the fabrics that they use and the thermal regulating properties in it, man, it's just a better night's sleep all the way through. And the other perk is they're, because they prevent 99.7% of the bacterial growth that can happen, which

Pam Allan: I guess that's from the silver, whatever they use to make

Corey Allan: It up absolute it's, and so it keeps them cleaner and fresh three times longer than other sheets.

Pam Allan: Amazing science.

Corey Allan: That's great. It's a great plus. So go to try miracle.com/passion and you can try Miracle Made Sheets today, whether you're buying them for yourself or a gift for a loved one. If you order today, you can save 40% and if you use our promo code passion at checkout, you'll get three free towels and save an extra 20%. I mean that is a deal if there ever was one. So Miracle is so confident in their product, it's backed by a 30 day money back guarantee. If you're not a hundred percent satisfied, you get the full refund, upgrade your Sleep with Miracle Made, go to try miracle.com/passion and use the code passion to claim your free three piece towel set and save over 40%. That's try miracle.com/passion and treat yourself to a better night's sleep. So last week you made a comment that when we were unpacking the idea of just the pressures that happen in marriage and particularly our sex lives, because it's unavoidable, and so if you think about it, it's really not, I get the choice of this pressure or no pressure, which pressure, which then starts to reveal things in ourselves. And then you went on and said, well, you know what? Let's just play the clip from last week

Pam Allan: Because I'm not willing to just maybe just lay there and let it happen to me if I'm relying on you to come at it with a different approach so that I can feel better. I just speaking from what am I trying to spit out here? It took me years to finally come around and figure out more of what I wanted and get more into what I expected you to do. All the work, I guess is where I'm going with

Corey Allan: This. That's a great, great example because that's kind of where I went too, because now our language can be because of the moves from both of us at various times, some of 'em were subtle moves and some were monumental moves individually speaking. Now there's much more likely if something was starting to unfold as far as what was being offered up or sought was going to be more towards the one sidedness. And it's like, because I would maybe bring up something with you and you're just not there because of the day, the struggle, sickness kids, whatever. Now it's like, okay, you know what? You have a greater likelihood to have been able to say, no, I'm just not there. Or You've even done this to me a couple times. I'm not really there, but how much energy do you got to help me try to get there? At least that's more overt about the dynamic between us. I

Pam Allan: Don't think those instances though are mercy sex.

Corey Allan: I don't either. So what jumps out to you?

Pam Allan: You were always patient, really long massages, you name it, all kinds of stuff that you powered through. And while I was thankful for it, I kind of expected you to be able to do that.

Corey Allan: Oh, okay.

Pam Allan: To get me into it.

Corey Allan: Created a dynamic then that was a different power distribution, if you will,
Who's responsible for the different aspects. I think we have to also break this up in one way to help frame this. I think that'll help the audience and us as we're having this conversation is going back to Ian Kerr's work of when you look at a sexual encounter, there's a beginning, there's a middle, and there's an end. And those are different acts. And I'm not just talking about foreplay or foreplay for foreplay's sake, which we've done an episode way back in the archives on that idea too. But you do have to break it up. And the main goal I want to get across is have each individual that's listening to this episode ask themselves some questions about how do I approach this as it pertains to what's my responsibility here? And I've got additional questions. I'll help frame this deeper to be more pointed. So if you're listening to this while you're not driving, you might want to have a pencil ready to write some of these down because I think these are good prompts to help us individually explore these. But when you look at this dynamic, and let's use it in the framework of you and I, so when it comes to our sex life, is it my responsibility to please my wife? Is it the wife's responsibility to please herself or is the wife, if she's the lower desire, then does she have to learn to just accept fewer orgasms?

Pam Allan: Well, I don't think this is a one or the other response. Agreed. I don't think that we live in a vacuum and each of us is just responsible a hundred percent for our own pleasure and that's it. And cut and dry. We're also not a hundred percent responsible for the other person's pleasure. Isn't this a team effort here? We're on the same team. So we play to our strengths. We also have to speak up for ourselves. We have to figure out ourselves just like I want each of us to be a student of one another. We've got to be a student of our own bodies, student of our own mind. What's hindering me, what's helping me, and taking advantage of those things

Corey Allan: Because I think this is a collaboration, but it'll be varied on percentages of where does the primary emphasis land? Yeah,

Pam Allan: Sure.

Corey Allan: Sometimes it's going to be more probably individual and individualized and then sometimes it's going to be relationally. And that's where I think a lot of times what trips people up is we get caught up in this dilemma of, well, that's just, you've got to get me there, or I'm here just for you. And that's what we've been unpacking some of the last couple of weeks on the episodes is some of these undercurrents of the energies that are at play and how am I contributing or taking away from the experiences because of how I'm orienting towards them.

Pam Allan: Sure. I think that how I'm orienting. Yeah, I think you can bring your resentment to the table if you're your spouse isn't doing what you expect them to do or if they're so much of this is what is my mind map of what you're doing and what I expect you to do,

Corey Allan: And what is the map of what a man's responsibility is and a woman's responsibility is. I mean, because the culture plays a role in this too. Okay. Society plays a role, unspoken expectations. What was modeled? Well, this is what a woman does. Well, this is what a man does. It's that idea of men are just horn dogs, they'll take care of all of it, they don't care. Versus, wait, maybe that's too global. Maybe that's not who I'm actually married to.

Pam Allan: Well, if I think my husband doesn't care, then there's my problem.

Corey Allan: Right?

Pam Allan: Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't. But if that's my perception, that's going to play into it.

Corey Allan: But even that perception can be skewed by, well, sometimes that's an easier narrative for me to not have to face me either.

Pam Allan: Okay.

Corey Allan: And in reverse is true too, that let's use the practicals here because you made the comment just today of expecting the massages, knowing it would take a while and it almost then becomes where, okay, in some regards it would let you off the hook. I'm not meaning entirely, and I'm talking because some of these are just going to be nuances that are important to make sure we don't go to extremes with because these can elicit some reactions in ourselves that are like, wait, you're saying I'm a lazy? You're saying I don't want No, but there's nuances of truth in here that are worth fleshing out as people are listening to this and as we're having this conversation

Pam Allan: And how are you saying it would've taken me off the hook?

Corey Allan: Because then it becomes this whole, alright, we know sex is going to be a part of our marriage. It was something that was agreed upon. We also know that we want it to be collaborative. We want it to be participatory, mutually satisfying and engaging. But if you know full well, they'll let me know when they're interested. They'll take care of setting the scene. Then it doesn't put much emphasis on you enhancing your sexual presence, prowess, engagement in that aspect of your life nor our lives, and then it becomes the default. Oh, well then I guess I'll just, because I've heard this from multiple husbands over the years. I mean more than both hands. So double digit husbands, I've heard this from that one of their complaints would be they would put a lot of energy in to get sex going and make sure it's very satisfactory for her. And she would be engaged and involved and enjoying it when it was focusing on her. And then when it came time for him, because a lot of couples do you go, I go, when you're talking about orgasms, that's the map and the root that is most reliable. A lot of the times, one of their frustrations would be when it became his turn, it would just be she'd just spread her legs,

Pam Allan: Hurry up and get it over.

Corey Allan: Not necessarily that, I mean, she's still involved in it, but it doesn't feel like it's as much of an energy. It's almost like, I'll allow you and am here for you, but I'm not engaging towards you. I'm just more accepting you.

Pam Allan: Gotcha.

Corey Allan: And that's a different dilemma and dynamic rather than, no, no, let you lay back. Let me take care of this for you now. And there's just a different energy in tension that can be played out between husband and wife when both of us are bringing it forward for ourselves and each other. And I think that's what creates the best sex anyway, is the idea of I want what I want and I want what you want.

Pam Allan: Yeah. You're looking out for both people, everyone on your team. The two of you are a team,

Corey Allan: Right? And so it becomes this thing of, because a lot of times I think women can get into where they think that their spouse's needs are prioritized over their needs because it's some of the, well, he needs it more than I do. And that's the scripts, that's the map that can become, that's how it started for us, for sure of Well, and I've even heard the phraseology of, she's aware of his meter when it's running of like, oh, it's been a while. We need to have sex now because I know he's going to, he's bursting at the seams here with all this energy. And so it's just all of these things play out into who's responsible for who, because if that's, what is the overarching thread when it comes to sex life together full well, part of your primary motivation is I'm just doing this for you.

Pam Allan: Doesn't that go back to some of the different types of sex that you have? If I'm just doing it for you, maybe as I'm whipped, I'm worn out, and so tonight is just for you. And then other times, wow, I've got the energy to get into it. I hear that that's not a hundred percent really what we're talking about here.

Corey Allan: No, it's not. But this is what makes the distinction between the two is making your route and your script more overt and chosen changes the way and lessens the likelihood of it being ultimately destructive in the long run. That's the goal.
That's what we talked about last week on when you set all this up. You're like, yeah, but we're not talking about mercy section. We're like, no, we're not in that regard. We're talking about both participating in freely choosing, and that's the overarching goal. This is just the next step in some regards of, okay, so now how do I look at this as what is my primary motivation that I'm attached to when it comes to how I approach this aspect of my life? Am I doing this because I feel like I want it, I'm doing it just for them? And how consciously am I freely choosing that? That's the main goal of this episode is to help people ask the questions of their relationship to this aspect of their relationship.

Pam Allan: Well, I think one of the questions that I started, when you come to that, one of the questions that I started asking myself, well, there's a couple of them in there, but because I knew that while Corey is having to be super patient, he's going through all kinds of stuff, he's got to be worn out to get for the time it takes to get me in the mood to get me going. And you put a lot of work into it. And I had a lot of days that I'd say, wow, how does he even want to take the time for that? Because there's other times where for me it was like, ah, I just don't have the energy to, for all the time it's going to take, it's enough already got to get his

Corey Allan: Sleep, all this involved.

Pam Allan: And I would ask myself, well, number one is Corey mad at me because he's got to spend so much time making that happen. And so it wasn't falling on deaf ears or whatever, that it didn't get past me that, wow, this was a lot of effort on Corey's part and that one point. Then I don't know what made me ask this question. It was, well, I do enjoy this. When it comes down to it, I enjoy it. Once I get into it, why wouldn't I figure out some way to get myself there and not make Corey work so hard? I don't want him to end up getting frustrated having to work so hard. So that goes back to your initial question of whose responsibility is it? Right? And I had this epiphany or whatever of, well, I don't want Corey end up getting mad number one and not wanting to do this. It was so much hard work for him. Number two, why is it that if I end up enjoying this, why would I not figure out how to get my own self into this mentally? And I'm talking mentally into the game? And that goes right back to, well, we are responsible for ourselves in every aspect of life. I'm responsible for my actions. And so I think that that was kind of what played off of each other. And it took me going through some of these mental gymnastics to realize maybe what I had been doing to you all that period realize, oh, really? That's not fair. What I've been doing

Corey Allan: To Cory that's been looking at the impact of ourselves and our journeys and how it does land on somebody else. Part of the equation here that matters, and again, the goal ultimately still is how is this more out in the open for myself? And then maybe even a conversation that I have with my spouse about, so how does this unfold? And some of those ideas, here's the questions I was thinking of that are just help people explore it. One is, what's my relationship with my own sexuality, sex life and orgasm? How do I relate to that aspect of my life? The other is the same question regarding my spouse. How do I relate to their, because there are some times where one spouse has a priority more on their spouse's orgasm than the spouse themselves does. It's like, no, I care about your orgasm more than you do. Well, hold on. Not that that's a bad goal or aspect, but it also recognizing, wait, that's different meanings, it's different values. How do I orient to the spouse I have not the spouse I wish they were

Pam Allan: Right.

Corey Allan: And then the last one is how do you have this conversation with yourself about this and then also with your spouse?

Pam Allan: Isn't that something thinking about, yeah, I do need to have a conversation with myself about this. It's not, I got to get it square with me first

Corey Allan: And then I'll go a couple deeper questions you can add to this equation too. Does the way I relate to my sexuality bring me into a deeper connection with myself? Or does it disconnect me? Because I think this is one of those things Now I start uncovering a little bit of the tensions and the struggles and the scripts and the traumas and the triggers, and what

Pam Allan: Does that look like? The way that I handle my own sexuality disconnecting me

Corey Allan: Well, okay. What comes to my mind immediately is there's the opportunities that when people have anything that comes along sexually in their life, they disconnect. It's fun and it's pleasurable, but they're not really in tune. They just focus pure pleasure, physical only, but they don't have any emotional attachment to it. They don't have any spiritual, soulful attachment to this aspect of their life because they haven't put all these together. The other is it's a numbing thing. My sexuality just numbs me. It's an escape. It's my way to deal with anxiety, stress, loneliness, boredom is where pornography becomes rampant, which is part of our sexuality. Let's just be honest. I've sexualized something that's not sexual, that's relating to my sexuality in a way that disconnects me because those two don't go together. Another question of this is one I really do love. Does the way I relate to my sexuality bring me into deeper connection with God and with my character and my integrity? And then the last one is, does my sexuality bless my life and the life of my beloved?

Pam Allan: That's a strong question. If you're going to answer that honestly and realize some of the, some are areas of weakness throughout seasons of the relationship. Yeah, that could be a eye opener. This is where

Corey Allan: You look at what's the impact of how this aspect of life manifests itself in my life and in my relationships? Because you can sexualize things that become very troublesome. You can put these things in objectification that are objecting of somebody or demeaning of a spouse or, so it's just how is it blessing? How is it coming from goodness? Because these questions right here, these last three are the ones that really do challenge our own growth and evolving into something so much deeper and so much more involved and engaging where I truly then am in a situation where I can likely start to do more of the truly enhancing and those around me flourish,
Not just, it's just part of our life, it's just, or it's demeaning, or we walk in away a little dirty feeling or that didn't go real well. We just don't feel real good. And that's our integrity standing up saying There was something in there that was wreaking some havoc. How about we flesh that out a little bit and then we can grow up even better? And so all of this is just the idea of bringing this into the light more so that people get a better chance to ask yourself these questions about how am I relating to this aspect of my relationship? And is it life-giving or not,

Pam Allan: Or life sucking, right?

Corey Allan: And so when we can ask these questions and look at a framework, now all of a sudden I've got a greater likelihood of exploring more what's being exposed in me here to change the dynamic and just bring it out in the open more. That's the main idea. Just I want to get it out in the open more. Then now my relationship pressure can do better with it as opposed to we're not even sure what we're fighting when it comes to this pressure.

Pam Allan: To me, this would be something that's just pretty, I think both spouses would probably know, do I feel, did they think that I'm responsible for their orgasm or not? Just in the way that your sexual relationship plays out. Ive got to think people know.

Corey Allan: I think deep down they know, but I think there are a lot of people out there that won't have the courage to actually admit it. It's so much easier just to blame my spouses. They are a perv, they are insatiable, they are prude, they are whatever, and not face what's really being exposed in me. And again, I love the fact that you have a leaning more towards the Yeah, but people are inherently really good. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know. There's another side of this whole thing that I see. I'm skeptical, I guess, or cynical in a lot of ways. And I think both exist.

Pam Allan: I'm trying to go through life assuming a positive intent. I

Corey Allan: Appreciate it, but I don't think people have a positive intense, A lot of times it allows them to not have to deal with some things they don't ever really want to deal with.

Pam Allan: Well, but what I'm saying is that I think people ultimately really know deep down, and we're either scared to face it, some are too lazy to face it. Some just don't have any clue how to face it. And I think that's probably a bulk of it. We don't feel like we're armed or we've got a history with conflict with our spouse that doesn't go well. So how do we address these things that might create conflict? And taking responsibility for ourselves is a super big struggle.

Corey Allan: Absolutely is. And we spend an inordinate amount of time trying to avoid said responsibility as we can. And so the goal becomes just how we were last week and the idea that life on life terms will inevitably bring this to bear. Our thought. And my thought with this is, how do I get ahead of this game and at least lean towards it sooner rather than later?

Pam Allan: Absolutely.

Corey Allan: Because when I can do that, I harness the energy differently and I'm not as reactive. And so this is being better responding towards this and see what it uncovers. Because what it does create then is at least now I have the better opportunity to choose as things are going. What we ended it with, one of the episodes from last week was one of the aspects of the episode last week was at least it's out in the open of, I'm not there, but how much energy do you have? Because I'm willing to try to get there. At least now all cards are on the table. Sometimes it's like, absolutely. I got energy, let's go. And there's a lot of spouses that would be like that. Absolutely. I'm good setting the scene. I'm good. That's a challenge. That's kind of fun. That's part of the equation that makes it enjoyable.
But when we make that undercurrent not visible, that's where it starts to wreak all kinds of havoc. The goal just becomes get it out in the open, and then both parties can choose better or not, but at least it's an honest choice. Winding down this whole show, I think this aspect, this one phrase is a great way to land the whole ship from the extended content and for sure, from the regular content. So back to our question of who's responsible for your sexual pleasure. Is it your spouse? Is it yourself or both? Well, the answer is yes. Yes and yes.

Pam Allan: Okay, done. Check that off the list.

Corey Allan: We have solved it all for everybody. Well, this is Sexy Marriage Radio. If we left something undone and you want to jump into the conversation, please do. Because the nation helps frame where we go each and every week. And so let us know 2 1 4 7 0 2 9 5 6 5 or feedback@sexymergeradio.com is the inbox that's been around for over 12 years. So let us know what's on your mind. Transcripts are available on each of the episodes pages, as well as at the advertisers deals and discount codes. You can find them on all the episodes pages at smr fm. So please consider supporting those who help support the show. However you've taken a little bit of time out to spend with us today. Thanks, and we'll see.