As a therapist for over two decades and a podcast host for half that time, I’ve witnessed firsthand the profound impact that our past experiences can have on our present relationships.
In this week’s episode of Sexy Marriage Radio, I had the pleasure of speaking with fellow therapist Jason VanRuler about his book, “Get Past Your Past,” which delves into the importance of addressing our past wounds and traumas to cultivate healthier relationships and a more fulfilling life.
For many of us who have been married for a while, it’s easy to fall into patterns of behavior and communication that may not always serve us well. We may find ourselves reacting to our spouse in ways that seem disproportionate to the situation, or feeling stuck in certain areas of our relationship without understanding why. Jason suggests that these struggles often stem from unresolved issues from our past that continue to influence our present behavior and perceptions.
One key insight from our conversation is the distinction between woundedness and trauma.
While everyone experiences some level of woundedness – those painful experiences or messages from our past that shape how we see ourselves and others – trauma involves more significant life events that leave a more lasting impact.
But, both woundedness and trauma can contribute to the scripts we tell ourselves about who we are and how we relate to others.
As married people, it’s essential to recognize the ways in which our past experiences may be influencing our relationship dynamics. We may find ourselves repeating patterns from our childhood or carrying unresolved emotional baggage from previous relationships.
These patterns can create barriers to intimacy and communication, making it difficult to truly connect with our spouse on a deeper level.
However, the good news is that we have the power to change our relationship with our past. It is important to revisit key events from our past and challenging the scripts we have internalized about ourselves and our relationships.
By gaining a more accurate perspective on these past experiences, we can begin to rewrite the narratives that hold us back and embrace a more positive and empowering view of ourselves.
But confronting our past is not always easy – it requires courage and resilience.
We may need to face painful memories or acknowledge the ways in which we have been hurt by others. However, as Jason points out, the process of healing and growth is well worth the effort. By addressing our past wounds head-on, we can free ourselves from the shackles of old patterns and create space for deeper connection and intimacy in our marriage.
So, where do we begin?
Start by paying attention to the areas of our lives where we feel stuck or overwhelmed. These are often clues that point to unresolved issues from our past that are impacting our present behavior. By shining a light on these areas and seeking support from a therapist or counselor, we can begin to unravel the layers of our past and move towards healing and transformation.
Addressing our past wounds and traumas is essential for cultivating a thriving marriage. By confronting the scripts we tell ourselves about who we are and how we relate to others, we can create space for deeper connection, intimacy, and growth in our relationship. While the journey may not always be easy, the rewards of healing and transformation are immeasurable.
Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Reach out for support and guidance as needed, and trust in the process of healing and growth.
Together, we can create the fulfilling and meaningful relationships we desire.