Don't analyze your wife

Man Up/Woman Up, Relationship Design

Originally posted on November 14, 2011.

Alright fellas … if you’re anything like me, you’ve fallen victim to analyzing your wife’s emotions or problems in hopes of “fixing” them.
This likely comes from the caring parts of you – but it’s not going to work.
Sure, this works for us men.
We are masters at analyzing a situation then changing whatever needs to be changed to remove the unnecessary pain of the situation.
Perhaps you’ve had a time at work where you were unhappy until you realized that your boss or coworker was taking advantage of you. You then determined that the best way to handle this problem is to be upfront and say something to your boss. You mustered up the guts, tell your boss what you think (not in an offensive or aggressive manner), and it’s over.
Problem solved.
You have also likely applied this same approach with your wife.
You realize there’s something you’re not happy about with your wife, so you muster the guts to tell her. You get it off your chest.
You then think maybe she wants something more or different from you, so after you tell her what you want from her you ask, “What do you want from me?”
This seems fair to a man. Right?
But it’s not.
It’s a no-win situation for a wife.
Because what she really wants is a man who can figure it out for himself.
She wants a man who loves her, and escorts her with his love, without having to ask her what she wants all the time.
A fundamental aspect of the feminine’s desire is to not have to figure things out for her man and guide him in his own life. She wants to be able to trust him in his direction and choices.
There are times when she wants to help you figure things out, but far more often she wants to feel your presence and love without having to tell you what she wants.
Imagine it’s your wife’s birthday. If it were your birthday you’d love it if she would do anything you wanted – so you think she’d like that too. You say, “For your birthday today, we will do anything you want. We can go anywhere and do anything. And I’ll even do anything for you. So what do you want to do?”
The problem, this is the opposite of most women’s ideal birthday gift.
Most women would be far more excited if you were to say, “You’ve got an hour to pack your bags. Don’t ask where we’re going, but we’ll be gone the entire weekend. Everything is taken care of. You simply need to pack your bags and leave the rest to me. I’m going to give you the best birthday present you’ve ever had.”
This would speak to the deepest part of her feminine core.
The part that wants to be able to relax and surrender knowing that she is taken care of and showered with your love. Then, she can simply enjoy without having to plan everything or analyze every option to decide which one is best.
One of the best ways you can serve your wife is by helping her surrender to the force of love so that she can open her heart, be the love that she is and give this love which naturally flows from herĀ essence.
So fellas, be full in your loving … so strong and stable in your presence with her that she can simply let go and surrender.
She likely has to be in her masculine enough throughout the day, taking care of a career, or kids, or a home … don’t make her have to do the same with you.
With you, let her be what the feminine is … pure energy, pure motion, and pure love.
**This idea is covered in more detail in Blow Up My Marriage.